MOSS- MOTHER OF STUPID STORIES

  Bebes welcome to another one of MOSS .. This happened when Moi was a bebe herself .Way before mama could mouth Akon's lyrics like a pro and annoy the F outta her parents. I was barely 4 if my memory's serves me correct. Just an innocent happy soul,unaware of the creations of nature and nature of creations. Before we delve any futher , a word of caution. This story may bring such strong cringe moments that you may curl up in a ball and the sweater that shrunk last winter in your washing machine maybe a size bigger for you by the end of it. Also contains weeee bit adult content. So let's start... The story begins on a cold night when mama a 4 year old toddler was ready for bed but didn't want to sleep. Like all toddlers I was more interested in my parents affairs than my own which to begin with ,there was hardly any beyond eat,shit,sleep repeat. My parents wanted to umm 'settle' for the night while I didn't want to. Do whatever I just didn't want to sle...

  For those unversed, I have a baby sister who is 8 years younger than I am. The age gap apart , we are very thick and share few common interests some of them being involved in  stupidity/ kaand/jugaad what have you. Between us if we ever have a motto it will be " If life is a math lesson and I am the constant then stupidity is my variable." Sooo, the story Imma be telling you happened 6 years ago when I was heavily pregnant in my third trimester and my teenage sister used to display the functionality of her 4 brain cells in ample EVERY OTHER DAY. One day this kid comes to me grinning but brows furrowed as if she is ready to pass a big ostrich egg from her behinds. The convo goes thus Sis: Hi chechi (chechi-didi in malayalam) Me- hey? S- pata hai kya hua? M- mmm? S-mera vodafone ka bill aya... M- yes and ? ( I kinda sorta knew where this was going) S- bill 12k hai 🙂 M - *ready to pass out* wtf  . Ab? Where is the bill now? And most importantly DOES DAD KNOW?!?!?! By now...

  Mama is back with another story children ,so gather around .A small disclaimer- not for plebs with weak tummies. Ok, so this story took place aeons ago when me was 6 years old  with a weak bowel and fat legs that couldn't run for the love of her life. My parents are poles apart when it comes to parenting.  My mom would feed me 6 ways to sunday to keep the rolls of fat intact while my dad considered gluttony a sin (only in my case,while he still happily hogs like a pig waiting for doomsday). My dad had me enrolled for karate lessons in our school as a form of exercise to balance out my mum's obsession in keeping me obese. Sooo, on this particular apocalyptic day , me mum fed me double the food a baby elephant could partake on it's strong day before packing me off to patshala. See the problem then was , my tiny tummy could handle only so much gastronomy. This was way before I discovered stress eating as a way out for my problems. My tiny tummy started rumbling , and resi...

  Gather around kids cause mama is gonna tell you a short horror story that occured when this chick right here made a poor life decision on an impulse.  So, the story starts on a quaint friday evening (Sep 12) when I was swinging on my jhoola , just thinking about the general direction in which my life is moving (which is nowhere if you are interested) when my baboon brain of an ass thought "You know what you are missing Soumya? A nose ring! Yep you need a third hole on your nose cos it is not minding its own business ,so to keep it busy  let us put a ring on it baby". And before my Jughead of a brain could speak for my general self preservation , I was at the jeweler's ready to get my nose pierced. Now children, you all know that guns are bad. Hand guns, machine guns , piercing guns all of em .. If you see a GUN 🔫 you RUN 🏃‍♂️.  The jeweler an 18 something year old boy suggested that a  quick and effortless way to get the nose piereced while maintaining "soci...