Story 2

 Mama is back with another story children ,so gather around .A small disclaimer- not for plebs with weak tummies.

Ok, so this story took place aeons ago when me was 6 years old  with a weak bowel and fat legs that couldn't run for the love of her life.

My parents are poles apart when it comes to parenting.  My mom would feed me 6 ways to sunday to keep the rolls of fat intact while my dad considered gluttony a sin (only in my case,while he still happily hogs like a pig waiting for doomsday).

My dad had me enrolled for karate lessons in our school as a form of exercise to balance out my mum's obsession in keeping me obese.

Sooo, on this particular apocalyptic day , me mum fed me double the food a baby elephant could partake on it's strong day before packing me off to patshala.

See the problem then was , my tiny tummy could handle only so much gastronomy. This was way before I discovered stress eating as a way out for my problems.



My tiny tummy started rumbling , and resisting digestion all day long as if it was a revolutionary fighting oppression. Finally, I started letting out tiny fartlets that kind of made the atmosphere feel like a nuclear war zone. My tiny batchmates started crinkling their noses ,with the obvious accompaniment of "shiii bittiii".

Even my classteacher had a hard time keeping a straight face and had to step out for fresh air.

Anyhow, karate period comes and I had to go grudgingly as I absolutely hated it.

This was a rainy day and we had to walk through puddles on the playground where the designated lessons were to be conducted.

I reach ,do some "karate" and by the end of it my tummy gives up on me and I let out  another fart only now it is not a fart , it is a shart .

I start running towards the school, panic stricken cause what's more embarrassing? a stinky ass or the fact that your classmates know you were the nuclear warzone.

I shit all the way from playground to school loo. Get caught by my teacher who is cringing yet understanding. Gets me cleaned up and my tiny classmates (give them full credit)didn't make my already shitty day ( pun intended)  anymore shittier. Kids can be brutal let me tell you. But my classmates weren't.  I guess the walk of shame from the loo to the classroom was enough of a trauma on a 6 year old and my peers somehow agreed to it without saying much in words. Or maybe they were shell shocked by the  absolute abhorrent mess my tiny fat tummy had created. Anyway, I believe it to be the former explanation.  My class teacher, bless her soul asked my mom to be kinder towards my digestive track and by that extension other's respiratory tracks at the next PTA.

Moral of the story- Never trust a fart, kids..